Sunday 14 January 2024

Free 2024 wine horoscope for scorpio in the fifth house of ABRACADABRA

You're a sign known for being a control freak scorpio, but 2024 is all about peace, love + serenity so it's time to chill the f— out. In the Chinese zodiac 2024 is year of the wood dragon. You too are  a dragon, an earth dragon, with your match in the kosmic mouse and your moon in Jupiter in the 5th house. Lucky you!

A tree can only put down roots where there is land. True, there are those jungle air-trees but you are not a jungle tree. You are in the Auvergne which is not the jungle and you have land! Not actual land like for vines (see: Auvergne) but a concrete cow barn after three years of Three Very Temporary Spaces Outside of Your Control in which you tried to make wine. You like control. You like order and… order and if you weren’t a dragon you would be a hobbit, and if you were a hobbit your moon would be in the sky which is basically the same sign. Yes, I see the irony.

So you are now a dragon that has land-ed which in cosmic convo means that in January your galactic guardian, transformational Pluto, sets up shop in Aquarius and your fourth house of home, family and roots for twenty years = stability! Predicability! Finally! (But don’t worry, there’s still room for spontaneity and maybe enfin that wine + italo part-y). You now have — mental — space to worry about other things. Perhaps like buying a labelling machine? A stock-taking system that matches reality?

You might be a tree but remember that wood also floats. We heard, you like control: but I would like you to go more with the flow. Don’t be heavy. Don’t be morose. Search what you seek! Don’t really know what exactly that is? Get out on a limb. Dare to dream.

The year starts with a promising transit as the full moon illuminates your 10th House of Social Status. And talking about stars and houses and how you need a bigger one, apparently now your project is a domaine! 3 February Domaine ABRACADABRA Hannah Fuellenkemper will be showing at Naturall in the Loire with a line up of stars even though I still don't think 'Hannah Fuellenkemper' is a wine name. 

(Here're some pics from Naturall last year).

Full moons are times of manifestation. Be the change you want to be. Put your wines in the sizes you want to drink! Litres! Halves! Mags! Crown caps in fluo-green and hot pink! Why is it only beer companies producing these??

As both of your ruling planets, warrior Mars and transformative Pluto, enter retrograde phases, it means it's time to learn how to use that fancy ass pump you bought, because so far you’ve spent a lot of money in order to pump air. Likewise may I suggest you finally get some vines and release something that was actually made with grapes from here? 

The moon’s north node says you need two more tanks with doors. Your mom says you need a working partner. Uranus says find an accountant. Aries suggests more sex in French. 

On life: remember that it is to be lived in the now! That it is transient and moves quick and that you are too young (35!) to feel old (35!!) Take up hobbies, create more art. Read. Write more. Check in with yourself: do you laugh enough? There is more to life than wine and you will become bored and jaded if you do not. Because — again: Auvergne — it might take until 2027 but hang on: the non-wine friends will come.

Oh, and this just in: my crystal ball says don’t stress too much about the fact all your red wines turned out pink in 2023. My bet's that pinks @ 10% stay hot. Do you really think there's a chance they might not?

Venus, the planet of abundance, moves into Sagittarius and your 2nd House of Possessions. Your moon is ascending! I don’t mean money stupid, it was your choice to give up law. Your wealth is your people. You are a dragon and they are your gold and for you to guard.

The Time of Taurus says it is time to accept that your friends will always be more economically active than you, but that if time is money then it’s you not them who is rich! You are the boss, boss. Remember this when you are bottling, labelling, cleaning or otherwise feeling like a robot-operated machine. 

Your other ruling planet, the transformative Pluto, goes retrograde from like, now, so it’s finally the moment to stop making expensive mistakes with your wine. Months-long macerations are out. Cinsault in everything is fine! The real, not astrological-sign mouse you infected your wines with will go — in time. You've come this far. In short, pluto's backward dance poses no cosmic obstacles to 2024 being your year. You do you.

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