Friday, 17 June 2022

HELP! WANTED!

I’m looking for help this harvest and I’m asking anyone who’s (seriously) interested to write to me and I will write back with more. And yes two months before is maybe a bit late* but late is better than never: although never is also a possibility considering I still haven’t found a cellar. 


Simon says I'm a pirate without a boat. I say boat or no, the show must go on. 


Some other things you should know in the spirit of full disclosure: I am no good at sales (read below). Yes, I can take nice pictures but basically what you see is what you get. Expect zero frills. Expect late nights. If experience is anything to go by, things will go wrong probably more often than they go right. 


Your job description in the shell of nut: You will be making wine รก la main which is not a French-ism for ‘artisanal’ but means exactly that: your only tools will be your hands (and your arms and your legs and your head and yes, I do at least have a press). 


If you are a city person like I was and want your rural idyll straw hat dreams crushed like I’ve had, come! But only if you really understand what I mean when I say +/- 6.8T of grapes will not pick, drive, carry nor de-cuve themselves oh, and the T stands for tonnes.


What kind of person should you be? You will need to be strong, both of body and of mind and you must. be. able. to. drive. 

(If ever a negociant tells you they don’t use machinery in their vines, ask them how many thousands of KM they make to buy their grapes). 


You must not be afraid of camping because you will almost certainly be camping! But whatever I can do, you can do too. I’m a wimp and I made wine in 2019 on crutches while living in a cave. Last year I managed without a shower. Remember: there is always someone somewhere doing worse off than you.


Please like cooking? Please understand that we will always be cleaning? For the rest there's a lot of drinking, schlepping and boring, repetitive tasks. No pump means the holy trinity of siphon + sweat + buckets and if everything goes to plan, there might also be stairs involved which gives you a picture of how practicality is not my best-fitting hat :)


If you’re the kind of person who can just get on with things without me having to explain everything — know that I already love you. Not that I don’t relish directing people (I don’t), it’s just that I don’t know what I’m doing either and will be busy figuring it out as we go along. 


Other desirable skills include: French! Maths! The can-do attitude that late at night I lack. If you’re not a problem-solver, please stay home. If you're a trained engineer take all my money and Pass Go. Sense of humour is a must! Winemaking is fun, but often it's not and it’s at these times you need to know how to laugh. 


So to re-cap. There will be long hours driving. There will be more things to carry than you can shake a stick at. When things go right it’s a miracle. When they don’t, we’ll have to do it again. I can promise you very little sleep, but rest be assured I have a good friend who makes great coffee. I've have another one who brews beer. You will be dirty, constantly, your body will learn to run off adrenaline effortlessly. You'll want to do everything you can to somehow capture in the bottle all this crazy energy. I mean I haven't quite managed this yet, but that's the idea.


I don’t like being a boss and I’m learning too, but — wait for the sales pitch — if you’re hands on, here’s your chance to have your hands in my 2022.


Too much?

 


Some deets:

  • Dates are from end-ish August to beginning October, with the last grapes coming in end-ish Sept.
  • I buy my grapes. There will be 4 trips. There will also be two actual harvests in actual vines in Auvergne which, oh yeah, is where I am. One in my vines and one in vines I share.
  • I appreciate you probably have a real life and you probably can’t stay for it all. We can talk! I am open to people on rotation, but let’s say minimum ‘stay’ shouldn’t be much less than 2 weeks.
  • See! What a boss! 
  • You will be fed and watered, and in exchange for your time you will get wine.
  • If you stay long enough, we can talk about you borrowing a tank and buying some grapes.
  • Bring sturdy shoes, a headlamp and your passport.
  • hfuellenkemperATgmailDOTcom


See you in T-two months!


*in my defence I already wrote about looking for an assistant du cave in January and you can re-read it here. 



F R U I T!

HOMEGROWN!
(PINOT)


                                                                                                  

         OLD  F R I E N D S! 

                         N E W  F R I E N D S!                                     

     
                                                                                                                            
         
BIG SMALL AND TINY P R E S S S S S ES

         

 BAD THINGS!        




      LAST MINUTE TYRE CHANGINGS

  
           
           OVER-FULL THINGS                                           
               

           LIVING IN A VAN-REALITIES                                    ENGINEERING 
                                                                
    

                                    RAN OUT OF SPACE, PLEASE HELP ME
                                                

      PRACTICALITY :)

PROCESSING THINGS


DIFFICULTY PARKING

 



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